Heads up, people. Football season is here, and this retired dance mom actually has a chance to dominate my all-guys-except-for-me fantasy league. After countless years of losing in the Toilet Bowl, I finally kinda know what I’m doing. I recognize most of the big-name athletes and understand when to start a WR over a RB in the swing position. And I orchestrated my draft to pseudo-perfection, even though most will question my selection of QBs (Justin Fields is a dark horse, my friends!). The time to dominate a bunch of beer-guzzling man-children is nigh. I have no contractual obligations to attend weekend-long dance competitions anymore, and I take very seriously the incredible responsibility I have to represent womankind. I will not fail!
Well, I might. Usually, I lose a key player in the first month or realize too late that all my point-scorers have the same bye week. And to this day, I truly have minimal knowledge of the strength and weaknesses of the 30-odd teams in the NFL (but at least I didn’t write NHL!).
I do have an appropriately awesome name though – A Girl Has No Name – (Game of Thrones fans, you’re welcome!), which is half the battle, and the help of my stats-fanatic son, who dutifully scans my lineup every Thursday to make sure I didn’t start a defense that’s pitted against my premier offensive minions. I also hold two distinct advantages: I finished in eighth place in 2021 and I am female. There are literally no expectations of me winning anything. I can only impress!
So, here’s to a victorious football season. For me and for women everywhere! Peace Out.