Opinion: Virtues of grumpiness


Humor is helpful in combatting stress, but I believe grumpiness has its virtues as well. I’ll outline some things that make me grouchy. They might be small, insignificant annoyances, but those are the best ones to get cranky about. I save humor for when I really need it.

I am tired of my Facebook notifications telling me things like: Suzanne Crowder has commented on Joe Rosen’s post about Bill Roman’s meme. I don’t know Suzanne, Joe or Bill. How annoying is that? No comment.

My wife and I are planning a trip to Peru. I signed up for the language instruction app called Babbel. They sent me directions … in French. Merci d’avoir choisi Babbel. Voici quelques instructions pour faciliter le processus. That’s great — now I have to take French, also.

I want hand dryers in public bathrooms banned. They do not dry your hands. They blow air on your fingers. When I leave public bathrooms, my wife always asks me, “Why are your hands in your pockets?” Because they are still wet.

I’m tired of getting emails that say, You have won a free $100 Walmart gift card. No, I haven’t. I have won the privilege of answering endless marketing questions so they can hook me up with people trying to sell me stuff. Does anyone ever get a $100 gift card? No clue.  After the 60th or 70th question, I always give up.

I want there to be a law stating the number 0 and letter O can’t be used in passwords, because I can never tell the difference. I asked 9 or 1O people and it’s amazing h0w many agreed with me.

Finally, I am tired of my computer taking a siesta when I want to print something. I press the button, and nothing happens except for bizarre clanking and groaning. My computer repairman says the printer is “thinking” (maybe it is thinking about why it cost only $69 but each ink refill is $80). I press it several more times. It’s still thinking, so I go to bed. Next morning, I have a neat stack of 35 copies — 34 more than I wanted.