Commentary by Dick Wolfsie

My mother drove her Buick until almost 90 … and sometimes faster. She was in great health at age 87, but it irked her that many of her able-bodied friends had handicap license plates that allowed them to park closer to the grocery store. She’d get out of her car and drag her foot along the ground to appear disabled. The A&P manager overlooked it. He wasn’t as lenient on the shoplifting charges, though.

I admit that I’ve parked in the spaces that said:

PARKING FOR MOTHERS WITH TODDLERS

I don’t have a toddler, but when I did, there were no reserved spaces. By the way, the signs are sexist: men can obviously have toddlers, although they probably left them home with mom.

  PARKING FOR EXPECTANT MOMS

I once pulled into this space to hurriedly purchase a dozen eggs. Someone recognized me and pointed out to me that I was not pregnant. I won’t do that again, but just in case of a real emergency, I now carry a down pillow in the back seat.

PARKING FOR ONLINE CUSTOMERS ONLY

Huh? These folks were too lazy to shop at the actual store, and too impatient to have their merchandise delivered. Now they want their own parking space? To be fair, if you are pregnant and also dragging along two toddlers to pick up a car seat you ordered online, you should be allowed to park right inside the store.

Here’s one that annoys me:

PARKING FOR TAKE-OUT CUSTOMERS ONLY

Just because you ordered take-out doesn’t mean you should get a space in front of the restaurant. You were too tired to cook at home and too cheap to tip the waitress – and now you want a special place to park? If you want to feed your face quickly, there’s a McDonald’s drive-thru right across the street from that Applebee’s.

I’d like a sign that says: DICK WOLFSIE, ONLY. But here’s how I am different from take-out customers and pregnant women: If I’m not using my space, it’s all yours.