To be clear, the greatest invention of all time is the drywall lift. No contest. This gangly contraption makes it possible to align a full sheet of drywall precisely where you want it on the ceiling without breaking a sweat or – more importantly – the sheet of drywall.
To be fair, there are other inventions that have simplified life and made klutzes like me look good.
At the top of that list is the USB connector. The Universal Service Bus came out of the mad world of electronics in the 1990s. Overnight, computer desks around the world were magically neat and tidy.
For the first time ever, a single cable replaced the huge bundle of squirming wires with ponderous multi-pin connectors that nestled behind every computer and printer, and made every office look like a snake pit.
The zipper is another invention I like. It was created in 1893 by Whitcomb L. Judson. Despite its early success, however, many clothing makers rejected it in favor of buttons. This included Levi Strauss who didn’t install zippers in their jeans until 1954, and only then because people living on the East Coast claimed (I’m not making this up) they couldn’t figure out how to button a fly.
Let’s not forget paper clips. Manufactured almost exclusively by the Gem Manufacturing Co., since the 1870s, these twisted wire devices were first designed and patented by Samuel B. Fay in 1867 as a means of attaching tickets to clothing. Interestingly, the Gem version of the paper clip has never been patented.
It wouldn’t be fair to talk about paper clips without mentioning staples, which emerged about the same time as paper clips. I prefer staples because paper clips tend to come loose when shoved into a file folder. And I have a lot of file folders.
Besides, staples deserve extra points because before anyone could staple anything, someone had to invent the stapler. That honor went to Albert Kletzker of St. Louis in 1868.
Finally, there is Velcro. This gee-whiz invention came to life one day in 1941 when Swiss electrical engineer George de Mestral came home from a walk in the woods with his dog, and both of them were covered with burrs. The burrs, he noticed, consisted of tiny hooks that grabbed onto fabric and fur. For the next 14 years Mssr. Mestral labored to duplicate nature’s creation. He was finally granted a patent for Velcro in 1955.
Great inventions all, but, trust me, none of them will ever replace the drywall lift. And, oh yeah, for us Midwesterners, Levi 501 jeans still have a button fly.
