Opinion: Gravely behind in decorating

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Oh, it’s on. I drove by my neighbor the other day as she was setting up Halloween decorations in her front yard. With weeks to go before the greatest and most perfect holiday of the year, she’s already fooling around with purple twinkle lights, Styrofoam tombstones, and what looked to be a new inflatable. How dare she! I have not yet mentally nor physically prepared for my own elaborate display of zombies, witches, a pumpkin-head man and various incarnations of demon-possessed Regans and Carol Annes. But now she’s thrown the down the gauntlet. I cannot have her house up and ready while mine still bears the boring décor of fall mums and pretty green September grass.

I’ll have to start with the big-ticket items, which means hauling close to a dozen life-size animatronics and skeletons from our basement room of horrors up the stairs, out through the garage and onto the lawn. I’ll then spend an hour or so on each “tableau,” arranging them in either unsettling or humorous scenes involving cauldrons, lawnmowers and spider-infested tea parties to eventually construct a veritable wonderland of evil. Next up is the arbor entryway, a cheap metal apparatus held together only by duct tape and my sheer force of will. The electrical comes last, which, depending on the weather and if I can locate enough splitters, extension cords, and green floods, could take anywhere from one day to several. I’m not that far from Lowe’s, but each trip takes precious time!

My gung-ho neighbor may have gotten the jump on me this glorious Halloween season, but not for long. Because it’s on.

Peace out.

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