Opinion: Looking for compatible couple for (TV ) hookups

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We miss seeing others in person, but through the magic of FaceTime and Zoom, we have been able to keep in touch. Most of our friends have been similarly stuck at home, so there isn’t that much to talk about — except movies and TV shows.

“Hi, Bob and Cathy, it’s Dick and Mary Ellen. Have you seen ‘Your Honor’ with Bryan Cranston on Showtime? It’s great. Lots to think about.”

“Sorry, guys, we don’t get Showtime. But have you seen ‘Frozen II’ on Disney+?”

“No, we don’t get Disney+. Surely, you’ve seen the award-winner ‘The Shape of Water’ on Amazon Prime. There’s so much to discuss about that one.”

“Dick, we don’t subscribe to Amazon Prime.”

“OK, Bob, let’s talk again when the pandemic is over.”

We called our friends John and Jane.

“Hi, guys, we have an idea for a fun evening. Let’s all watch ‘The Crown’ on Netflix and make fun of the royal family.”

“Dick, we don’t have Netflix. But we found a great show on the Food Network, ‘Amy Schumer Learns to Cook.’”

“We don’t get the Food Network.”

“But surely you have Vudu TV?”

“We didn’t want to take a chance. It sounded like a cult. I bet my brother has it.”

We made several other calls, becoming nervous that we were running out of friends we were compatible with. My wife loves old movies, but we found very few TCM subscribers. The Wideners have satellite TV, but they told us it was unlikely we had many interests in common. I felt like they were dishing us, so that was the end of that relationship.

I called my friend Mikki who said she just has an antenna on top her TV. Too bad. We had been friends for 30 years.

I had an idea.

“Mary Ellen, I’m going to create an Excel spreadsheet where people can sign up and find other people who share similar services.”

“I’m very impressed, Dick.”

“So, you like the concept?”

“No, it’s nutty, but I’m impressed you know how to use Excel.”

I logged onto eHarmony and Match.com to see if they even considered viewing options as an important issue in establishing a relationship.

With the hundreds of personal interests compared on these dating sites, there wasn’t a single question about cable or streaming preferences. Just the same old unimportant inquiries: God-fearing or agnostic? Smoker or nonsmoker? Permanent or casual relationship? Drinker or abstainer? All fine and good, but where’s: Showtime or Epix? STARZ or Cinemax? Chromecast or Xbox?

The bottom line is, we are looking for a friendship with another couple who has HBO, Amazon and Netflix. You obviously would need basic cable. If you don’t have it, please have it installed. Hooking up is half the fun.


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