Opinion: Reflections of a grump


Several months ago, I wrote a column about things that annoyed me. Some readers responded by calling me a grump. Others wondered why the list was so short. To validate both sentiments, here are a few things I forgot:

I called a friend the other night. His voicemail said, “Sorry, I am on vacation and I won’t be back until May 28.” It was June 18. So, either he hasn’t listened to his voicemail in a month, or he is not coming back home for almost year. That’s not a vacation, it’s a sabbatical.

I hate the commercial for Prevagen. It’s a memory-enhancing supplement and the manufacturer takes pride in the fact that the main ingredient is harvested from jellyfish. I’m not sure why they are bragging about this. The jellyfish is one of the only animals on the planet that has no brain — nothing, nada. And from this blob they found something that will help my memory? I hope I remember not to waste my money.

After owning a computer for 30 years, I still don’t know what a file permission error is. Why do I need permission to file something on my own computer? And why does the computer scare the bejeebers out of me by flashing on the screen: A fatal error has occurred? How about instead: Oops, you made a teensy-weensy goof? That would work for me.

Here’s a way I annoy myself. I go to Dunkin’ Donuts or Starbucks and I buy a cup of coffee for two or three bucks. Nothing fancy, just a coffee. Then I go to one of several places on my errand list, like my bank, my barber, or the car wash. There, the coffee is free and it’s just as good. That’s almost a grand a year I’m wasting. A fatal error has occurred.

Sometimes when my cellphone rings, the caller ID shows: Maybe Linda or probably Bob. Apparently, if the number isn’t in my phone book, the software searches my emails for possible matches. Suggesting it could be someone I know is like reporting there’s a 50 percent chance of rain. What a big help!

This is weird. On Monday at Shapiro’s Deli, there was no chicken in my chicken soup. When I complained, they said they don’t put chicken in the chicken soup until Wednesdays. Something is not kosher there (actually, nothing really is).

Dunkin’ Donuts no longer sells jelly doughnut holes, or as they call them, Dunkin’ Munchkins. Do you know why? Neither do they. I asked managers at four different stores. Here are the answers I received:

  • They weren’t popular enough.
  • They were way too popular and we couldn’t keep them in stock.
  • They were too labor intensive.

The fourth manager just shrugged his shoulders.That was the only answer that made any sense to me.

Finally, I didn’t need the drugstore clerk asking, “Do you want a bag for those cough drops?”

“No thanks, they are already in a bag.”

I have to go now. I have to chase some kids off of my lawn.

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