Commentary by Kristen Boice

People often want to know how to change someone else. They want to know what to say or do to get someone to “see” what they need to change. The painful truth is you can’t change anyone else. You can only change you. It starts with getting honest with you and stepping into courage.

Making a change is a brave choice to look within and do the work to begin healing. If we continue recreating the same patterns, nothing will change. Working on yourself is the most empowering work you will do. It can begin with some basic steps.

Get clear about what you want to change. Ask yourself some key questions. What do you want in your life? What do you want to be different? What do you need to heal from the past so you can live in the present? How do you want to feel? What do you need?
Explore your expectations of yourself and others. Expectations most often will lead to disappointment and hurt. They can sabotage the change process.
Identify your daily practices. Write out what your daily practices are going to be in order to maintain the change. For example, you might say three things you are grateful for, journal, pray, walk ten minutes each day, set boundaries and reach out to a friend.
Build a strong support network. Work on building positive and supportive relationships. It’s a sign of strength when we can ask for help. Isolating will often keep us feeling stuck.
Don’t give up. Sometimes we take two steps forward and then a few steps back. You matter. You are worth it. Keep doing the work. It will pay off. Breaking old patterns takes time and commitment. Practice self-compassion.

Kristen Boice is the owner of Pathways to Healing Counseling, LLC at 1212 Westfield Rd. in Noblesville. To contact her, email [email protected].