Of whom am I thinking? They’re fond of acronyms like NSDA, IHSFA, and NFL, and use words like “interp,” “extemp,” and “sweepstakes.” They spend their Saturdays participating in events like LD and OO and measure their success in points and diamonds. And they are VERY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT WHAT THEY DO! Any guesses? Anyone? They are speech and debaters, my friends, and now yours truly is one too!
I know, I know. What’s a ginger, mother-of-four math guru doing dabbling in such unchartered territory? To be truthful, I didn’t actually mean to get so involved. I thought I was applying for an “assistant” position only to discover after I’d accepted that the head coach had already backed out. The ole bait and switch, really. (Or, de bate and speech. Get it? I’m funny!) Not a big deal, I suppose, except that I have absolutely no experience whatsoever. And that’s not an exaggeration. We didn’t have a speech or debate team at my high school, and I never took part in college. I’m not even an English teacher, for God’s sake. Seriously, I feel like a cheerleader who’s just been named the new offensive coordinator for the Colts when all I wanted to do was shake poms at halftime!
What’s worse, I have no predecessor, nor a team to inherit. So not only am I totally clueless on the rules, regulations, and various distinctions of the 18 available events (18!), I’m also having to recruit members, round up judges, register with the national and state associations, plan meaningful practices, and obtain a license to drive the stupid mini-bus!
Consequently, I spent the past weekend hob-nobbing with Indiana’s brightest and finest at the annual S&D coaches conference, attempting to absorb enough know-how to ensure my 10 [brave]students don’t puke, pass out or completely embarrass themselves at the first competition. Not sure whether it was a success. I did learn a lot of useful information, not the least of which was that if swim meets and dances competitions had a love child, she’d be named Speech and Debate Tournaments. But the rest was simply overwhelming. I don’t speak the “language,” I’m not the traditional “coach,” and I can’t even use my theater background to muddle through because, oh yah, I don’t have one of those either! (And rehearsal dinner skits don’t count, Encouraging Family, even if I did in fact miss my calling as a Broadway starlet.)
The good news is that I do know how to speak and argue (mostly without a Kentucky accent), and from time to time, I can pen some decent material. So maybe I’ll be OK. The NSDA might even award me a diamond for my work with interpers! Peace out.
