Ignition wires, why not the whole car?

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I think car makers may be on to something. For years they’ve wanted to do their part in helping the world go green. The latest entry is ignition wires that are made of something other than the usual rubber and plastic.

This new stuff, made perhaps of soybeans and fish oil, is irresistible to mice, which are invading cars by the thousands, eating the wires and then coming back for more every time the wires are replaced.

So far, other than traps and a good caulking job on the garage door, no solution has been found for the mouse problem. Some car owners also report mice are eating hoses and insulation on their cars. Presumably, these things are made from the same tasty material as the ignition wires.

As bad as this news is for car owners, it may lead to the solution of an even greater problem: what to do with junked cars.

Millions of aging vehicles are hauled off to the junkyard every year in this country. I don’t have exact numbers, but whatever it is, it’s a lot.

Just suppose, in the interest of going wildly green, car makers would start making their cars entirely of something edible. Tires, engines, fenders, trunk lids and radiator caps would all suddenly be irresistible to mice.

Maybe they could coat everything with a protective film during the car’s useful lifetime, and then spray it with a solvent when it enters the junkyard, thus making the whole car a banquet for hungry mice.

Then, in just 24 hours there would be nothing left but a handful of sparkplugs and those used Styrofoam coffee cups that accumulated under the front seat.

Someone should win the Nobel Prize for this idea.


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