Commentary by Heather Kestian
I love America. Truly, I do. I imagine I live on a beautiful field of enlightenment. With my Super Ego by my side, we accomplish great feats together by thinking clearly and logically about our next move.
But fireworks at all hours of the night are really starting to push me to the brink of reason. My foot is creeping to the edge and my Id is about to make her appearance. It will not be pretty.
In fact, Mommy is about to lose her schnitzel.
I can handle fireworks the night before the Fourth of July. I can handle fireworks on the Fourth of July – I can even be gracious and allow for a few pops shortly after midnight into the fifth of July. After that, I go a teensy bit crazy.
As a mother to two small children, anytime someone breaks the silence in our quiet, subdued neighborhood, I shift into immediate mother bear mode. Who is making that noise at 11:30 p.m.? Who on God’s green earth is shooting off fireworks at 4:13 a.m.? What are they thinking? Better yet, what are they drinking?
If these fireworks at unholy hours of the night wake up my children, I might give them a piece of my mind (just as soon as I find these crazy people). I am already sleep deprived from my little people’s needs, and the “bang-bang, pop-pop” from my neighbors’ revelry at 2 a.m. is a little too much for one woman to bear. Most people do not want my opinion during the daylight hour; wait until you get my thoughts on fireworks after midnight because you woke up my children. I think I might resemble a combination of Linda Blair from “The Exorcist” and Jack Nicholson from “The Shining.” It makes me shudder to think about it.
Why must people continue to blow things up well past the Fourth of July? I love a good celebration, but can we agree to put away the explosives and lighters now? Let us remember the good times from the Fourth of July circa 2013 as the holiday is now a thing of the past.
It is time to move forward. Please, feel free to start planning your fire-based festivities for next year – quietly, inside of your own home.
Please, for my sanity and the safety and security of those around me, step away from the fireworks.