The big J: Judgment


Why do we all judge ourselves and others? I love the saying, “Judgment doesn’t define who they (people) are, it defines who you are.” Many people have a deep fear of being judged because of the pain and rejection that can come with it.

For example, you may not speak up because of the fear of what people will think and the sense of not being good enough, so you hide in order to not have to face the judgment. If we give it power, the feeling of being judged can create a sense of low self-worth and insignificance.

There are a few key areas to explore when it comes to judgment. It might be helpful to write down your answers to these questions or journal about it.

1. What is your first memory of experiencing judgment? Float back to the first time you remember experiencing judgment. It might have been in school or at home. How did you feel? What was said to you often becomes a tape that plays in your mind for years later and brings up feelings of inadequacy or not being good enough. Write down the tapes or thoughts you now have because of something someone said or did to you. Remember, we are not our past, and we don’t have to give power to what someone said to us in the past.

2. Who and what do you judge? Do you judge yourself, your spouse, other parents, neighbors, friends, co-workers, family members, etc.? Dig deep to try and figure out what it is about the other person or yourself that triggers you.

3. What purpose does judgment play in your life? Does it keep you from connecting with others? Do you use it to feel better about yourself, and then end up feeling worse?

4. Do you want to change it? In order to make a change, first we need to take ownership, and then make an action plan to address it. Work on stopping yourself when you go into judgment mode and try and figure out what is going on within you. Maybe you are feeling insecure and tend to judge more when you are not feeling good about yourself.

How would the world look if we judged less and loved more?