According to the cover of the Dec. 14 edition of Time magazine, the year 2020 was “The Worst Year Ever.”
Sad to say, there is a lot of truth in that for many of us, but I have sought for the last 50 weeks to find humor in a world that desperately needs some laughs. So, as I do every year at this time, here is a quick look back at a few of my most comment-generating columns of the past year. In this case, hindsight really is 2020. So, thanks to…
- My wife, who refused to characterize my daily exercise routine as running, or jogging, or even fast walking. I Googled the difference and showed Mary Ellen the mph rundown for each definition. “Look up running in place,” she said.
- An article in Consumer Digest that warned we are all unknowingly eating too much plastic. Apparently, the average person eats the equivalent of a credit card each week. You can imagine how deadly it would be to swallow your entire Mastercard. You don’t want to expire before the card does.
- Our local HOA that organized a cornhole tournament this summer. Mary Ellen was very concerned about COVID-19, so I had to constantly rub my hands with antibacterial gel. I also wasn’t allowed to eat off the pitch-in buffet table because, to quote my wife, “You’ve touched everyone’s equipment in the neighborhood.”
- The PlantSnap app claims that with a click of your smartphone camera it can name any plant you might want to identify. One night, I was messing with the app and accidentally snapped a photo of my toes. I was surprised to find that I do not have a foot at the end of my leg but rather a fine example of a pleurotus cystidiosus — or for those unschooled in the world of fungi, my toes are actually mushrooms.
- My wife (again), who apparently has major crushes on two men seen on TV. First, Idris Elba. The 6-foot-3 talented actor is a major hunk with a British accent. She also has a thing for Dr. Anthony Fauci. Standing 5-7, he’s a brilliant immunologist and is articulate and measured. What do I have in common with either of these men? I was once 5-7.
- To my insurance company that gave me a gadget to insert in the car dashboard. It monitors my driving habits to demonstrate I am a safe driver and therefore less likely to have an accident. I had a perfect driving record. Maybe that’s because I haven’t gone anywhere in 10 months, unless you count backing out of the driveway to get to the mailbox.
Finally, to WISH-TV. The day I retired after 30 years, I said to my boss it seemed like just yesterday that I had no idea what camera to look into, and that I felt nervous and unprepared for my segment on the air.
“That was yesterday,” he said.
Have a great 2021, everybody!