Commentary by Ward Degler
An open letter to my paperboy.
First, let me apologize for calling you a boy. I know you’ve got to be a grown up because you drive a car. I was a paperboy. I rode a bicycle.
Now, to the purpose of my letter. I know this is the land of the free and the home of the brave, and that means you have the right to do just about any diddly-darn thing you want to. And that means if on any given day you don’t want to deliver my daily newspaper, you have that right.
Having said that, I wonder if you could possibly be a little more selective on which day you decide not to deliver. Monday would be good, since I’m usually busy on Mondays catching up with stuff I let slide over the weekend. I wouldn’t have much time to read the paper, anyway.
Tuesday or Wednesday would be OK, too, but by midweek I’m usually ready for a laugh or two. And you know how laughable the newspaper is.
That brings us to Thursday. This is the day the paper weighs about 5 pounds heavier than on other days because it is loaded with advertising flyers and coupons. There is usually something I look forward to buying once I have the sales coupon from the paper. It hurts to not get Thursday’s paper.
By the time Friday rolls around I’m still embedded in Thursday’s ads and often wouldn’t read the paper at all. Saturday is weekend-chores day, and the paper might go unopened.
We are now at Sunday, the most important newspaper day in the history of movable type. There are ads, of course, to supplement what didn’t get into Thursday’s paper. Feature stories galore, of course, news wrap-ups, four full-blown pages of comics, and, most important, a word jumble and the worthy crossword puzzle.
It’s these latter two things my wife and I look forward to all week — figuring out six jumbled-up words and then slogging through the puzzle.
I’m sure you now understand why not getting Thursday’s or Sunday’s paper is a real hardship.
So, next time you decide to not deliver our paper on either of these days, you might consider hiring a boy with a bicycle to deliver it for you.
