Opinion: No putting it delicately

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What a poopy week I’ve had, and I say that both figuratively and literally. Let’s explore.

In the figurative sense, we suffered a homeowner’s near catastrophe when we discovered standing water in the basement storage room and flowing rivulets through the finished area. Apparently, our sump pump had stopped working a few days prior. I don’t care so much about the now-ruined carpet and discarded junk, but a cardboard box of my childhood memorabilia was left undiscovered for too many hours, resulting in 30-year-old letters and photographs being completely soaked. I managed to salvage most of them, but it was heartbreaking to have to throw away birthday cards from my grandmothers and photographs of old grade school friends. It was definitely a crappy moment.

On the literal and definitely more humorous front, I had the fascinating opportunity to prepare a stool sample for a Cologuard test, a mail-in colon cancer screening. On balance, my experience was smooth sailing, though I don’t think the dog knew what to think of the interesting smells emanating from the plastic container as I prepared swabs with the lab skills of a mad scientist. The only awkward part was having to personally deliver it to UPS for overnight shipping. “Would you like a receipt, ma’am?” Um, yes?

I also found myself volunteering to clean up a diaper explosion perpetrated by my youngest nephew in his cloth exersaucer seat. I was surprised and silently pleased to learn that this old mom can still perform sanitary miracles. You’re welcome, Sis.

So, not a terrible week as the theme might imply, but certainly one with a ton of … well, you know.

Peace out.


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