Heads up, people. Football season is finally here, and this dance mom actually remembered to log on to a Sunday night draft in my all-guys-except-for-me fantasy league. Do I know what I’m doing yet? No. I think this is my fifth year and I still only recognize players who have retired (so long, Brady!). Do I understand when to start a WR over a RB? Not exactly, though I’ve been advised to have a total of five entered on my roster. Am I going to let any of this stop me from dominating a bunch of beer-guzzling man-children? Bells to the no! I recognize the incredible responsibility I hold to women everywhere. I promise, I will not fail.
Well, I might. My record has been subpar, at best. Usually, I lose a quarterback in the first month or realize too late that all my good players have the same bye week. And I truly have minimal knowledge of the strength and weaknesses of the 30-odd teams in the NFL (but at least I didn’t write NHL!).
I do have an awesome name, though — A Girl Has No Name (“Game of Thrones” fans, you’re welcome!), which is half the battle, along with the help of my stats-fanatic son, who dutifully scans my lineup every Thursday to make sure I didn’t start a defense that’s pitted against my premier offensive minions. I also hold some key advantages: I finished in the bottom half last year and I am female. There are literally no expectations of me winning anything. I can only impress!
So, here’s to a victorious football season. For me, and women everywhere! Peace Out.