I’ve finally gotten my holiday groove on, people! I’m just back from a 6 a.m. Meijer run, followed by an hour at Kohl’s. With a generous serving of Amazon and a few swigs of merlot, I’m feeling quite good about Christmas. True, I’ve not yet written the annual family missive, nor have I mailed a single card. But I’m not worried. “Better late than never” is our family motto!
Now, if only my husband Doo would stop being such a Grinch. He’s been oscillating between “I don’t care if Maddie has dance, I’m vacuuming up this stupid tinsel” and “I can’t possibly get anything done if you keep nagging me about addressing envelopes.” That is why I’m stuffing my face with bourbon-soaked English fruitcake. I need a dense dessert to keep my potty-mouth in check.
I want to tell Doo to quit whining and go to the office if he needs to work. Seriously, anyone here expecting to be left alone in the peace and quiet just days before Baby Jesus arrives is living in a winter wonderland. This place is the Island of Misfits Toys, my friends. We have cats vomiting on rugs, cars breaking down, college kids up in my grill, and almost certainly a nasty flu virus lurking. Plus, I only finished teaching yesterday. Momma still has a ton of miracles to perform. Let the reindeer games commence!
My point is, I need Doo to get on board my Polar Express — for him to take a moment to enjoy this crazy season, and more important, to revel in my spectacular purchasing prowess. Also, we should probably get on the card thing. Peace out.
