Opinion: Hard pass on the guinea pig


Brett and Mary Ellen and I just returned from a fabulous vacation in Peru (South America, not Indiana). We flew to Miami (Florida, not Ohio) where we had a 13-hour layover, which is like a sleepover, but without jammies and a blankie. What do you do for 13 hours at the Miami International Airport? I wanted to wander around, but I was afraid I’d get lost. I didn’t want to be MIA at MIA.

To pass the time, I did a little exercising. My most innovative workout was to walk on the moving walkway in the opposite direction, simulating my treadmill at home. I was doing well until this really attractive flight attendant walked by and I slingshot backwards into an Auntie Anne’s pretzel stand.

After a long flight, we landed in Lima (Peru, not Ohio). Our ultimate destination was Machu Picchu, called the Lost City. I hope the people who lived there in the 1400s didn’t feel that way. I mean, it was right there when they got out of bed. They couldn’t have been that bad with directions.

Each evening, our guide sent an email telling us when to get up, what time to have breakfast and what we were going to do the next day. Big deal. I get a text like that every morning from Mary Ellen. 

The Wolfsies avoided one traditional food: guinea pig on a stick. This delicacy would make anything on a stick at the Indiana State Fair seem more appealing. One day, we visited an alpaca farm. That evening, the menu included alpaca stew. I couldn’t eat that dish after seeing these adorable animals, but I do love my new alpaca sweater. 

When we returned home, there was a block party going on and Mary Ellen was showing our neighbors the elegant necklace and bracelet she bought in Cusco, a thriving city about 45 miles from Machu Picchu. Unfortunately, they thought she said Costco, and that took a lot of the charm away from the story.      

We’re already discussing plans for next year’s adventure. My wife is thinking Costa Rica. I am thinking Brazil (Indiana, not South America).

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