I’ve been writing for Current for 10 years, and though I’m not allowed to rerun past columns, I want to give you a taste of all the wondrous stories I’ve told.
When I first began, my kids were all under 8 and I provided full-time daycare for a 2-year old nephew. Suffice it to say, I had plenty of material with which to work. Articles on the horrors of potty training, constipation woes, crashed mini-vans and the parenting mistakes of women I judged from afar dominated my diatribes.
My favorites included a Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure-Alamo-style tour of our mini-van and how in a house full of preschoolers, playdates actually subtracted from the total number of kids I had to supervise (I literally proved how three plus two equaled one). Now my minions are all teenagers, which certainly comes with its own set of fun, but not near the comedy gold of little ones!
Also early in my career, my husband Doo and I were still navigating the best way to manage parenting, marriage, his job and my feeling stuck at home all day with nothing but the monotony of motherhood for company. This resulted in a whole slew of stories about what essentially boiled down to the stupidity of men. Highlights from this era would be the raccoon-in-the-attic ode to “Coal Miner’s Daughter” and the retelling of an epic fight outside a Sheraton at the 2012 NCAA Final Four (he cheered for UK!). We’re older and wiser these days, so few marital moments meet the criteria for becoming a full-on column rant. My apologies. If only I could rehash!
I’ve written about living with my in-laws, surviving plastic surgery, returning to the workforce, road trips from hell and accidentally voting Republican. Over the course of 10 years, I’ve also managed to anger all homeschooling, breastfeeding and non-vaccinating parents, devout Catholics and a certain elementary school PTO that will go unnamed.
Peace out.
To read more of Wilson’s columns from the last 10 years, visit youarecurrent.com/category/views/laughs/danielle-wilson.