Scientists now claim that pecans (my favorite) may not be as healthy to consume as previously believed. Just when I think I’m eating the right stuff, some nut comes along and ruins everything.

Coffee was reported to be bad for us, and then studies said it was good for us. No matter, it’s all going to change again, anyway.

A health alert this week took the cake. Cake, by the way, is not good for us, unless it’s chocolate, which has aphrodisiac qualities. But chocolate also has caffeine, which is bad for us (unless it’s the same amount of caffeine that was good for us if we were drinking coffee before August of 2007.)

Now I read that salmon contains too much mercury, even though it contains beneficial Omega fatty acids. I’ve been chowing down on anything that swims upstream to die: Coho, Chinook, King, Alaskan pink and sockeye. If my heart wasn’t bright red before, it is now.

Then I saw this headline last week in USA Today:

FARMED SALMON MORE DANGEROUS TO EAT THAN WILD SALMON

Statistics can be misleading. For example, did they take into account that some of those people fishing for wild salmon were eaten by bears? That kind of data gets lost in those fancy university studies.

My doctor said I could eliminate salmon from my diet and instead swallow fish oil pills, which are made from Docosapentaenoic Acid. Let’s see, lox and bagels or Docosapentaenoic Acid and bagels? There are no easy choices in life

By the way, I never believed the findings that eating fish regularly was good for your memory. In high school I ate fish sticks three days a week and tuna sandwiches on weekends. Then in college I spent half my waking hours looking for my car, my spiral notebook or my wallet.

I also couldn’t find a date.

This morning, I had smoked salmon on a bagel and for dessert, a handful of chocolate-covered pecans. See you next week … if I live that long.