Column: Is your past really in the past?


Commentary by Kristen Boice

Do you wish your past didn’t impact you today? Do you wish you could forget about it? Do you find yourself triggered or upset over what seem to be little things? Do you find your anger out of control? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, more than likely, your past experiences are playing a role in how you feel about yourself, how you interact in relationships and how you manage your stress.

The past does impact how we show up in relationships. As much as we don’t want this to be true, it’s true. The more we try to numb our feelings, push them down or try to put them in a compartment, the more we are going to feel out-of-control.

Is it hard dealing with the feelings from the past? Yes. Working through the past to get to the other side, leads to a more content, healthy and fulfilling life. Wouldn’t it be great to work through the past so it’s not running on your hard drive when you don’t want it to?

Below are some key steps to begin the process towards healing and living the life you want.

  • Don’t deny. We don’t want the past to have power over us. By not dealing with it, that is exactly the role it plays – a powerful one. Processing through the hurt, pain and fear will lead to freedom, having a voice and getting your power back.
  • Get curious. Notice what you feel and why you feel it. Peel back the layers to get what is underneath and driving your behavior. Get real with yourself.
  • Write it out. Start writing out what you are thinking, feeling and any patterns you are noticing.
  • Build a strong support system. Reach out and ask for help. This may be a counselor, pastor, friend or joining a support group.
  • Take action now. Commit to taking care of you today!