She walked into my office, a highly respected and successful nurse. Let’s call her “Jill.” Jill sat down across from my desk, visibly frustrated, leaned forward and said, “Pastor Mike, I need your help…”
It was clear she was more than stuck, she was mad. “I don’t know what to do with him anymore. I just feel like he is dead weight. I am done!”
I knew her husband. He was laid back and easy going. She was the opposite. Her job required her to be highly active and decisive. On a daily basis she made decisions for people who couldn’t make decisions for themselves. This bled into many different parts of her life.
He wasn’t a natural leader. He was slow to take action and make decisions. The problem was every time she solidified her superiority, he grew smaller and smaller until he functionally quit.
Absolutely he contributed a lot to the problem, but the blame is not his alone. She was stealing his stewardship, and every time he grew smaller and smaller.
Sometimes you must steal stewardship. When a toddler reaches for a hot boiling pot on the stove, a parent must steal their stewardship by stopping them. As a nurse when a patient clearly needs immediate help, she would steal their stewardship by making decisions they couldn’t make. However, every time you take someone’s stewardship, even for good reasons, there is residue. You take away their feeling of control.
So, to all the brilliant take-charge leaders out there, choose carefully when you do this. Your “right” action may be developing crippled people. One of two things will happen – either it will make them feel small and they will slowly appear to turn off or quit engaging, or they will grow bitter and rebel. You must allow people to make some decisions, even imperfect ones. Why? Because the ability to participate in one’s life trajectory builds ownership and ownership includes the heart. A healthy heart is fertile ground to grow courage, steadfastness, higher effort and purpose. Even God didn’t make robots; it’s always been about the heart.