Column: Why order matters

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Commentary by Heather Kestian

As we prepare for our third child, I have been completely struck by the truth behind birth order. At this point in our pregnancy, with child number one, the crib was put together, the room was ready, and we had washed the clothes we had received. We had read every book. We had a birth plan, written in blood, sweat and tears. We had been to all of the classes. We were ready to be parents.

We learned in the delivery room that the best laid plans are subject to change. During day two with our new little person, it became obvious we had no idea what we were doing. In reality, we were clueless about infants: from the grit it takes to remove meconium from a little person’s bottom to the insane amount of gas that comes from these little sleep suckers, we wondered how on earth they were going to let us leave with an entire human being. I had to get a license for far less things than this. You see that he is screaming at us, right?

He was doted after and tended too all along the way. True story: we had an excel spreadsheet to track his dirty diapers. We checked off boxes. We chronicled his every move.Then number two came along and we were a little less paranoid. This can be summed up from one seemingly insignificant decision—an epidural from the beginning. It is well past 2010 at this point. Who am I trying to impress? Let’s try to enjoy this experience and not freak out about it. It really worked to get our new relationship off on a much better, and less painful, foot. And we relaxed. We tracked dirty diapers on a piece of paper sans lines and columns. The second one occasionally fell down when he started walking and we found he bounced back remarkably well.

Now number three. We have a plan to put together the crib. We have the tubs of clothes in the room. We are ready-ish. I think what we have learned is that it all works out in the end. Regardless of our plans and the lists, these little people are resilient and strong—despite our interventions and best intentions. So with this one, we are going to sit back, relax and enjoy this ride with our last little, perfect slice of heaven.


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