Column: Dumb laws are everywhere 


I couldn’t live in San Francisco. Too many dumb laws. Did you know it’s illegal to walk an elephant down Market Street unless it’s on a leash?

Plus, you can be arrested if your dog chases a squirrel during the summer. And if that’s not bad enough, it’s still against the law to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

While these laws may not be enforced anymore, they remain on the books. Others are enforced and fines are levied.

The biggie is a law prohibiting homeowners from keeping anything but a car in their garage. No bicycles, toys, lawnmowers, rakes or garden tools. Nothing but the family station wagon. The fine – $500.

That is downright un-American. Everyone knows the garage is where you keep all your stuff. It’s where that broken lamp goes to await repair in some future millennium. Ditto, the burned-out waffle iron, and that Thigh Master you haven’t used since 1976.

I have never parked my car in the garage. My garage has always been my sacred workshop. Plus the place I keep my broken lamps, waffle irons and unused Thigh Masters.

Lest I seem to pick on San Francisco, dumb laws are everywhere. In Palm Springs it’s illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between 4 and 6 p.m.

Would you guess that in Massachusetts it’s illegal for a gorilla to ride in the back seat of a car? And a law in Indiana prohibits backing into a parking place. Why? Cops driving by can’t see the license plate.

So, if your elephant likes to go for walks, your dog chases squirrels, or you have a prolific horse, you might want to rethink moving to San Francisco.

And, oh yeah, if you visit Boston, best leave your gorilla at home.