Six lies in relationships

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This holiday season as you are surrounded by friends and family let me offer six relational lies that must be confronted.

The Lie: People in great relationships always get along.

The Truth: Conflict is required for intimacy. If you are constantly running from conflict, my guess is you don’t have deep friendships. Learning to speak truth in love will create an environment of transparency that satisfies deeply. It only comes through healthy conflict and transparency. Don’t be fake.

The Lie: A healthy relationship will eventually be free of conflict.

The Truth: We are all flawed. There is a term in the Bible called forbearance, which in context often means the refraining of enforcement. This means there will be times where you are absolutely right about something and the other person is absolutely wrong. However, you choose to forgive (not necessarily ignore) for the sake of the relationship. Sometimes the relationship is more important than the issue. This also applies well to our most familiar flaws. Much like a physical weakness or flaw, sometimes there isn’t a magic pill or miraculous counseling session that will fix it. You choose instead to forbear and graciously move forward together. Hear me clearly; all of us have issues. Healthy relationships know, recognize and reflect healthy forbearance.

The Lie: People fall in love. 

The Truth: People fall in lust. True love is work, a journey of focused commitment. History teaches us instant-conflict-free relationships are most likely to be found in fairytales.

The Lie: Lucky people experience great friendships. 

The Truth: Loving, sacrificially committed people experience great friendships. It’s like a group of friends embarking on a long ocean voyage. The friends in this ship live it up together when it’s calm and steady each other when the storm rages.

The Lie: I don’t need people. 

The Truth: There is nothing more powerful and satisfying than to be deeply known and loved. Known, meaning you are relationally close and familiar with that which makes another unique, the good and the bad. Loved, meaning someone affectionately chooses you, no matter what. Nothing satisfies more than to be chosen and loved, in spite of our flaws.

The Lie: Marriage is old-fashioned and divorce is no big deal. 

The Truth: It’s often harder for people to get over a divorce than it is to recover from the death of a loved one. Betrayal after intimacy hurts deeply. Marriage is intended to be a covenant, with boundaries protecting a developing relationship. The Biblical view of marriage isn’t a list of rules holding you back. It is a treasure map showing the route to a deeply satisfying relationship. If you don’t follow the map, don’t expect to find the treasure.

 

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