Fun newspaper headlines

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I learned my basic journalism skills at the University of Missouri School of Journalism. At the time it was arguably one of the better places to learn the fundamentals.

Improvements and what might pass for real skill, of course, came later, at the hand of hardboiled editors and letters from vicious readers who delight in pointing out stupid mistakes.

Even more vicious, of course, are other journalists who gleefully clip and save these errors whenever they find them. Let me share a few special newspaper headlines that I have in my collection, one or two of which are my own.

“Diana was still alive hours before she died”

“Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25”

“Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons”

“Meeting on open meetings is closed” – This was one of mine. It was supposed to be funny. Obviously, I miscalculated.

“17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree”

“Bridges help people cross rivers”

“Thief sentenced to five years in violin case” – Another one of mine. I admit I didn’t read it until after it was in print. The judge told me later he thought the plaintiff had grounds for appeal for cruel and unusual punishment.

Here are a few others from the “How’s that again?” department:

“Man accused of killing lawyer gets new attorney”

“Hospitals resort to hiring doctors”

“Man with 8 DUIs blames drinking problem”

“Parents keep kids home to protest school closure”

“Homicide victims rarely talk to police”

“Starvation can lead to health hazards”

“City unsure why sewer smells”

And, finally, one of my favorites:

“Miracle cure kills fifth patient”


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