And now, hold on to your hats because it’s time for … Dentists In The News!
That might be the only time in history those four words have appeared together, in that order. Dentists tend not to make a lot of news. As a rule, they seem to be a fairly sedate group of professionals, at least compared to legislators, athletes and those wild-and-crazy middle school science teachers. When dentists DO make news, it’s big, like when these two made headlines recently:
First was a dentist in London – England, not Ohio – who got revenge on her ex-boyfriend as only a dentist could. The ex, one Marek Olszewski, 45, scheduled an appointment with his former girlfriend, dentist Anna Mackowiak, for treatment of a toothache. She put him under and extracted the tooth. Then she extracted all his other teeth for good measure. Mackowiak is facing jail time and loss of her license for malpractice. Which, if you know anything of dental work in the United Kingdom, is more or less the standard anyway.
OK, rinse and spit.
Stateside, Lena David of Louisville is suing her dentist, Dr. W.B. Galbreath, for allegedly dropping a small screwdriver down her throat. I don’t know if it was a flat blade or Phillips. Actually, the lawsuit doesn’t even specify what the dentist was doing in there with a screwdriver. Anyway, she alleges that the thing went down her gullet into her stomach, causing intense abdominal pain, which makes sense. Who among us who has swallowed a hand tool didn’t complain of intense abdominal pain?
Her suit says the doctor sent her to the emergency room for X-rays and told her to try to bring the thing back up or to eat a lot of fiber, which raises the question: How many bowls of Raisin Bran would it take to move a screwdriver down the old alimentary canal?
If I take anything away from these stories, it is relief – relief that these people are not my dentist, for starters, but also relief that the guy who does my dental work is competent, sure-fingered and not mad at me. He has his quirks – he’s big on making you laugh when your mouth is full of cotton, dental tools and fingers – but thanks to him, I still have most of the teeth I started with. It isn’t newsworthy. And that’s just the way I like it.