Guarantees for a green lawn … again


Here we go again. Ever since I finished the addition to our house, I have been confronted in the spring with a section of my backyard that is a sea of mud and weeds.


And every spring I have dutifully trotted off to the lawn and garden center for weed killer, fertilizer and grass seed. Every spring I thought it would be different. I believed in the goodness of nature. Surely, my efforts would at last produce a beautiful lawn. I was wrong.

One year I watched birds descend and eat the seeds. Another, 10 days of torrential rain washed away both seeds and topsoil.

Once I decided to try special seed mats, those clever little rolls of seed-filled mesh. Unfortunately, each mat covered no more than a square foot. Seeding the whole shebang would have required a second mortgage.

Some years the seeds germinated and sent forth spindly blades of grass. Then I danced for joy. A month later, the summer sun baked the tiny threads into oblivion. Then I wept and cursed the fates.

I have put down fertilizer, mulch and topsoil. I have sowed the tried and true, the experimental and the new. I have watered in the heat of day and coaxed and cajoled in the cool mists of evening. I have valiantly trimmed the trees to allow more sunlight and fresh air to caress my lawn.

And each spring I start from scratch as though living the curse of Sisyphus who was endlessly obliged to roll the rock to the top of the mountain only to watch it tumble back down again.

But this year, I found something new. Fertilizer, seed and mulch together. The company says it will produce a lawn absolutely anywhere. Guaranteed.

Really? I probably should get back to you on that.